pink impact 08

The drums and the heartbeat of God

During worship one session, God told me, “Listen to the drums.” I don’t even know what song was being sung but the drums were strong and resonated in my chest. I could get pass the strong deep base drum. Then he said, “That’s my heartbeat.” All weekend during worship I kept hearing the drums and found myself sitting down closing my eyes and focusing just on the driving force of the drums. I was also driven to listen to the song “little Drummer Boy.” I couldn’t shake the feeling. I tried to go into the bathroom and listen to it but I couldn’t focus on the song because of too many distractions. Later that night I got to sit down and listen to the song. So far I have gotten that God wants me to walk to a different beat and he doesn’t want me to just hear it, he wants me to feel the heartbeat of God and be able to respond to it in an instant. The beat is strong and deep and is a driving force. But, it is not a beat that I am creating, I am only following it.

The beat is the heartbeat of God. I just have to be close enough to feel it. I pictured the scene in Dirty Dancing where he and Babe are starting to practice and she has her hand on his chest on his hand on hers tapping the rhythm of the song on her hand with his fingers. Then when she gets the rhythm they start dancing. But instead God was standing behind me with his arms around me. My hand was on my chest over my heart on his hand was covering mine. I could feel his chest pressed close to my back and could feel his pulse. He was tapping his fingers against my hand wanting my heartbeat to match his. Of course God is no human – so it was not just a steady pulse. It was more like the beat of a drum in a song.

(These are the notes I made in the hotel that night as I listened to “The little drummer boy” over and over.) Heartbeat, God wants me to feel, know, and even anticipate His heartbeat. Like a drum it can change timing, rhythm, and intensity at any moment. It fills the music around it. It supports the music, the song, the lyrics. Without it the music sounds empty or even lifeless. The drums are the heartbeat of the song. The drums often drive the dance. Drummers are different. Drummers must be in sync with each other. There is a team. I must surround myself with other drummers, others of a different breed. We flow with each other knowing when it is our turn as lead and when we support.

· All of this must be done to bring Him honor
· I have to come. Move. Let’s roll!
· I can’t let the “finest gifts” of the “other kings” intimidate me
· Drummers have a different language
· I have no gift that I THINK is honorable enough
· God will bless what is in my hand – I have so much more than I can see with my physical eyes
· Mary nodded – I have permission
· When I play “my drum” praise will be lifted to honor the king
· I WILL play my best for Him – that is what I have been called to do. He is always listening to me
· I already have a smile from him

Me in a box

God also showed me something about myself this weekend. Growing up I was always taught not to put God in a box. Well, I haven’t. I know God is big enough to do anything. He can heal, he will provide, he is I AM. BUT – I have put myself in a box. I have told God, “Yeah you are big enough to do whatever you want. There is nothing you can’t do. But not using me. I am always just going to be here and I am not big enough to really change the world. Yeah, I can impact a few close friends but I am not going to be doing anything much bigger than I am right now.” I have put myself in a box. Not expecting to ever get out.

Something bigger than me

That same night God birthed something in my spirit. I am still not sure what it is. I know it is bigger than anything I have ever expected. The size of what it is going end up as truly scares me. It is bigger than me. I don’t know exactly what it is, but God showed me that I was going to start something very large. Larger than myself. I don’t know what it is or what I should do with this feeling that I have. It is just a God seed right now. I feel a stirring in my spirit though. A feeling that there is a seed of something in my spirit that is powerful, life-changing, and bigger than me. I just get this feeling that I am not going to do it alone but that I am going to spark it off. I am going to have a large part of getting it started but God is going to bring the expansion. It is HUGE! And I have no idea of what “it” is. It is ministry but to who, or how, or why, I don’t know. It will change lives and bring Him honor. I see myself with leaders organizing and putting this together with great anticipation and urgency. But I don’t know what “it” is yet.

It goes back to the heartbeat thing. I feel that the next season in my life is going to be very different than anything I know right now. I have been called to find the heartbeat of God. To feel it, anticipate it, learn it, and then there will come a time when I will be called upon to play and I am going to have to be ready.

While one of the speakers was talking God quicken this in my spirit, “Stop. Drop. Roll.” I asked why. And he simply said, “When on fire – Stop, Drop, Roll.” While I was praying about this, I saw that when I was in the awesome anointing fire of God I needed to stop drop and roll. Stop and be still to hear the voice of God. Drop the things of life that just make us “busy” and notice, really notice what was going on in that moment. Roll with what action I need to take in that very moment.

What does a sparkplug do? It fires. I am God’s sparkplug. There will be divine moments where God cuase me to fire and I must be ready to Stop, drop and roll in that moment. One of those moments God is going to start something that is divine and bigger than myself and it will cause a movement in the body of Christ to bring his bride closer to him. I just have to be ready. That is my only responsibility. Thank you for showing me that God. THANK YOU THANK YOU TAHNK YOU!

I'M PREGNANT!!!

So, for those who don't know I am pregnant. I wanted to wait until I went to the doctor until I posted anything. God's timing is AWESOME!! Anyway - the doctor did an ultrasound and according to him I am right around 5 weeks. My due date is Nov. 8th. I am really excited! I am REALLY hoping for a girl this time. We haven't fully picked a name or anything yet.

Okay, well I have to go clean now - BOO! But I can use my birthday present. (A shark steam mop) We'll see how good it works.